why i quit being an instagram “influencer”

You wouldn’t be able to convince me that Earth isn’t real because well, here I am—Watching it, breathing it, smelling it, and falling in love with it. But social media isn’t like that. It’s not even a place you go to. It’s this strange glowing newspaper we stare at— that we all decided was super important to stay up to date on. Or a platform to make ourselves known, seen, loved or accidentally hated. A playground for judgment, comparison, community, or creativity—You decide. It’s kind of like a choose your own fate game because only you can determine what symptoms from it you accept or decline. And what’s tough about that is, the choice is usually subconscious and instantaneous. Before you know it, maybe a negative thought or feeling slipped in when you weren’t looking. Maybe a spark of joy. Maybe nothing. I can’t speak for you but I am able to share my small journey and findings. //

This is honestly the strangest thing to write. Should I put my two weeks in for this kind of thing? Is this my exit interview?

I’ve come to the decision to throw in the towel on being an instagram “influencer”. (yuck, that word mildly makes me gag.) I’ve been making my living via Instagram for about three years now by accepting paid partnerships with brands and companies. And after hours on top of hours of prayer, I’m finished. (More like after a *kind* slap in the face from the Holy Spirit, but you get the idea.) I know in my body, mind and soul that it’s on to the next adventure for me. (And, I’m giddy. Like always.)

I was a tad tormented from the beginning—but like a *good daughter* of the Lord, I pushed that weird feeling of, “Maybe this isn’t completely right” to the back of the bus and said, “Nah. This feels pretty good to me.” Well, here we are. A few years later and I’m finally dealing with that weird feeling I knew wasn’t sitting well with my soul since day one. God is so patient with us and I am so utterly thankful.

I’m writing all of this to say that I’m going back to my roots and my passion. When I started sharing my writing on Instagram back in 2015—I devoted my account to writing about my journey with Jesus. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was accepting brand deals and strategizing on how to expand my business. I was fighting to expand my business rather than working to expand Heaven on Earth—The Kingdom of God. When I should be fighting for God’s glory rather than my own—Sharing His light and love.

This isn’t a casting of judgement on Instagram Influencers—It’s just simply me running full speed ahead at my calling rather than hiding from it. Writing and creating. Living a life devoted to vulnerability and Jesus. Spreading kindness like confetti. Because if I’m completely honest, I grew terrified to share too much of my writings. So terrified that I began to share nothing at all—Which was the beginning of the end.

I’ve received my fair share of “I hate you because you’re a Christian” DMs and messages. But surprisingly, when I did receive the dreaded hate mail or comment—It was usually from a fellow follower of Jesus. And, I think that’s what always hurt the most. So I tucked my tail and figured it was better safe than sorry, let’s stick with the outfit photos and keep the captions simple. That hurts my soul to even think about, that I wanted to blend in rather than stand out. And not even really stand out, but just stand up and be the quirky, honest example of a follower of Jesus that I’m called to be.

As I’m writing this, I feel like this should be a six hundred part series. This isn’t even covering the bullet points of this journey. But, hopefully it covers a sliver of this wild adventure and learning curve justly. I’m also overwhelmed with joy while typing this. I know this is right and there are no more “back of the bus” thoughts lingering around. That’s something worth celebrating and rejoicing about. I’m so overwrought with joy for the future. I’m giddy to share my small adventure on Instagram honestly, organically and bravely. I’m thrilled to my very bones to be in love with Jesus—And that’s all I’ll ever need.