I too, have laid in my bed playing with my old wounds. I’ve picked mental scabs until they bleed. I’ve replayed painful memories in my mind like watching a projection of a silent black and white horror film. I’ve felt that pain that seems to strike perfectly at midnight like clockwork. The pain that feels like someone is trying to beat down your ribcage at whatever the cost. The pain that makes you cry, kick, and scream how unfair it is but you’re faced with your own deafening silcence. I know this pain and used to hold it’s hand for hours, even days, on end. I’d practically pull up a chair for it to sit at dinner. I’d even bring it along to parties with me and introduce it, “Hi, I’m chronically depressed.”
For eleven years of my life, I carried that pain with me. I showed off my hurt like a medal I’d won in some battle. Truth is, I hadn’t won any battles. The bullets were still whizzing by, barely missing my head, and I was never drafted for war. I couldn’t see any wounds but I knew I was bleeding. Every morning before I left my house, I slapped that ache on like a nametag. I was hurt and I didn’t know who I was without the throbbing in my chest. I identified with my pain.
I’m not sure what hurt you or why you’re bleeding. I don’t know how long you’ve held your pain’s hand, but I’m writing to tell you; it really does heal and you’re not one with your pain. God’s love covers it all and He created you with love and stardust; not pain and bitter memories.
It’s just like an arm that’s been broken and had a cast put on. Once the arm is healed, you can’t keep wearing the dirty sweat-soaked cast. If you do, bacteria will grow and start to eat away at your flesh like a buffet. Then, you’ll have a new kind of wound. A wound that was never intended. This type of bacteria can only grow in dark, damp places. In order to rid your skin of this bacteria, you have to cut off the cast and expose your skin to the light.
Expose your soul to the light and let your heart heal from the hurt. Step into God’s presence and breathe. Let go of whatever memories or past hurts your hands are gripping so strongly that your knuckles are beginning to turn to a shade of white. God’s love pours over the Earth endlessly everyday; all you have to do is listen and seek Him. Hold onto His grace and forgiveness. He will show you how to love and let go of things that throb. The things you were never intended to carry and bear.
God is so patiently waiting for you to run to Him and hand over your ache. You don’t have to keep wearing the sweaty pain-soaked cast. Rather than replaying the memories, ask God to fill your thoughts with things of Him. Have God teach your heart of forgiveness. Forgiveness is truly the most powerful tool for cutting off casts and mending wounds.
Allow your heart to be warmed and softened by God’s sweet love and presence. The pain will fade like a bad dream and you’ll be left with an honest medal. The honor of having a healed, forgiving heart and a light soul. The honor of knowing you’re loved and forgiveness restores.
Verses of forgiveness, love, and healing.
- Ephesians 4:31-32
- Colossians 3:13 (I recommend reading all of Colossians 3. It’s one of my absolute favorites.)
- Matthew 11:28-30
- Psalms 147:3
- Genesis 1:1-4